I consider myself a very clingy person, to say the least. I have a hard time letting things go. I hold onto clothes for years in hopes that one day they will come in handy when deciding an outfit, but all they are really doing is collecting dust in my closet. I create memory boxes full of bracelets and cards people give me that I hold dear to my heart, even if they don’t say anything meaningful. I think it’s because they all carry memories, and I have always been someone who lived for memories. Whether it’s a gift or a moment, memories are the only thing in this world that can’t leave me, no one can take away, and I have complete control over.
It’s these memories that tie me to things- no, not physically being tied to them, but emotionally. It’s why I cried when my cat passed away, feel like a piece of my heart is missing when me and my best friend fight, and why I get completely and utterly destroyed by heartbreak. I get tied to things and I don’t want to let go- even when I know I need to.
Now don’t get me wrong- there are times to grieve and hold on and love and fight through, but there are also times when the people that have made a home in our heart pack up and move out, and we have to be willing to stand at the door and wish them farewell.
There are also times when people come into our hearts and stay a little bit longer than they should. They aren’t pursuing commitment, they’re just using all your heart’s resources for themselves. In your life this may look like holding onto a fantasy of a guy because of the expectation of what “could be”. It could look like flirting and sharing intimate parts of your life with someone that isn’t interested in really settling down. Or maybe, even, it looks like holding onto friendships that are toxic to your life because of the phrase “what if”- “what if they are just saying that to me because they are mad”, “what if they’re dragging me into drama because they care”, etc.
Maybe you don’t want to let the guy go for fear that he will find someone better than you. Maybe you don’t want to let the best friend go out of fear that you won’t find anyone like them again. Maybe because you’ve had so many people walk out of your life, you are scared to actually let someone go that is sticking around but holding you back. Maybe you feel like if you pack up their things, they may never look back. These are fears, and they stem from the lies that you’ll never be good enough or never be complete without this person. Lies that you won’t measure up to people around you or that without this person you will be alone. Just straight lies.
I’ve realized that holding onto someone, or even just the thought or idea of someone in your life, only holds you back from what God wants to do in your life. It’s like trying to run with hundreds of bricks on your back. They hold you down and even when you want to run forward, you can’t. God never intended for us to live lives enslaved to bricks. He said he came to give life and give it abundantly- abundant joy, abundant peace, abundant healing… Paul writes it like this:
2 Corinthians 7 (MSG)
“With promises like this to pull us on, dear friends; let’s make a clean break with everything that defiles or distracts us, both within and without. Let’s make our entire lives fit and holy temples for the worship of God.”
With all the promises that God gives us of abundant life, Paul says to make a clean break with everything around us distracting us or defiling us. Basically, in my own words he’s saying “It’s time to let go, babe. You’ve been holding onto something that’s only sucking the life out of you, and the only way to truly worship God with your whole heart is to kick the person out that’s taking up the most room.”
Letting go does not mean praying one night, waking up in the morning, and all feelings are gone, though. This is not a one-step-fix-it-all process! It means waking up and CHOOSING not to CONTROL the situation any longer. Choosing not to find excuses to talk to him or be around him all the time. Choosing not to let your mind think up fantasies about him and y’alls “future” together. Choosing not to flirt or lead them on to boost your ego or make you feel wanted.
It’s releasing the control and saying under your breath, “Lord, if this is for me, then I know it no one can take it away from me”. That’s the ultimate truth. If THIS is the person God has for you, you could do absolutely NOTHING and God will still make it work. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to control anything or flirt in any way to make him stay. God will orchestrate it perfectly if it’s what’s meant to be. Trust him in the process. Trust him in the waiting.
Hannah Brencher wrote a note that I still keep in my phone as a reminder:
“You will need to let go a million and one times in the next few years. Make sure you let go for good. Don’t wait for text messages. Don’t find a way to make people linger and wait in the loss of you. It’s selfish to hold onto a person when you’ve already got the clarity that tells you to let them go. That person is supposed to go out there and love someone different. They’re supposed to mess up with someone else. They’re supposed to kiss someone else and buy flowers for someone else.”
So maybe it’s time to let go for you. You’ve been lingering in the “could be”s, “what if”s, and “why”s. You’ve been holding bricks and trying to run with no luck. You’re waiting in the waiting room for someone to call your name that hasn’t even promised you commitment. You’ve wasted time, energy, and love.. and it’s time to let go.. Delete his number. Unfollow his account. Stop checking if he liked your picture and stop monitoring the last time he logged online. Delete his thread + his DM chats. Don’t find your way into his family any longer. DELETE THE PICTURES. Chuck the memories. Stop listening to Sam Smith or Ed Sheeran late at night- seriously it’s like slapping yourself emotionally- and change your playlist. Don’t try to make eye contact from across the room any longer, and don’t try to find ways to show up for him. When he moves out of your heart, make sure he takes EVERYTHING with him.
And when he does, know that it makes room for something so much greater- God. He offers everything you need and everything you could ever want. He is your freedom, your healing, your love, your satisfaction. He’s everything you could have ever hoped for and everything you’ve always longed for. He’s the best person to make a home in your heart. His grace is sufficient for you. He fills you with good things. He is a comforter and a peace maker.
Letting go is one of the hardest roads of faith I think I’ve ever embarked on. It’s hard and it’s messy, but it’s oh-so worth it. He’s got you babe, just let go.